A return to life! Why me? Indeed! Why not me?

Its been a long road to recovery.  And I didn’t realize that the last post was the morning of my surgery.  I was terrified.  I was angry all over again!  Doctors telling me I could be paralyzed or even die. My neck had deteriorated to the point of daily neck spasms that were so disorienting as to be frightening. I was starting to miss work because of headaches.

I ended up with a spinal cord bruise which sounds awful however, in the end I find I am grateful that it was all that I have had to deal with.  This will take a couple of years to heal, but yes, it would heal.  I have gone from wheel chair, to walker to cane, to just walking fine.  I only have one speed, but it works. And yes, I have some very whiny crabby days.  No saint here  🙂

Already I am up to walking two miles a day at least three times a week.  My dog Simon loves it.  Please don’t tell him I called him a dog.  HAHA! My upper body strength is not what I would like it to be, but I’m working on it.  I’m no longer in physical therapy.  AND most importantly of all; I AM OFF ALL THE DRUGS. All of my medical providers are happy with my progress.

Now that you have the back ground I would like to tell you what I have learned.  Life goes on. You can lay in bed and wait for a miracle or you can get up and make your own.  I was in the hospital for three weeks.  I saw people who would not get up out of bed.  Too hard they said.

I spent the first 1/3 of my life being abused, being splintered to bits by my parents.  I spent the next 1/3 of my life taking my heart, my soul, my brain, my will and my body back!   Back!Today I realize this is the last frontier of my life.  I am finally whole.  What was broken may always have a scar, but its not broken any more.  I also realized it doesn’t have to take so long. Get out of your mental bed. Yes its hard.  Its worth it.

Get up in the morning and look in the mirror, tell yourself the truth of who you are.  A beautiful, loving, caring human being.  Tell that person staring back at you in the mirror that life is too short to waste fussing over what others expect of you when you expect so much of yourself.  Its important.  Its true. YOU are indeed a marvel and a miracle.

Why me?  Why not me?  If you won a million in the lottery would your cry out, Why Me? Things happen in life that we have no control over, some good some bad and some things that don’t matter at all.  You can make yourself crazy with that question.  Find the stillness in your heart.  Go there.  That’s peace.  We survivors don’t know what it looks like unless we are told.  It isn’t giddy happiness every day.  It’s the stillness inside us that we seek and never recognize.

Look in the mirror.  Affirm your very special strength and obvious love of life.  Be at peace.

I’m back!  The radio show will be back up in a couple of weeks!  Great things ahead! Stay tuned! Tell your friends!

Namaste  Annie

 

 

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