From Suicide Letter to Survival Letter Reposted from 2012 Author~~*~~ Mia

Mia has come so far….   and I am so proud to know her. From Suicide Letter to Survival Letter by Mia McKinney May 23, 2012 “Life has taken its toll on me. I can no longer carry these secrets …

Source: From Suicide Letter to Survival Letter Reposted from 2012 Author~~*~~ Mia

My Smiling Dog : excerpt from Can You Hear Me Now?

There were no houses around the 20 acres surrounded our new home. While it wasn’t complete, we moved into it anyway since it was livable. There were miles and miles of tall golden grass all around us, moving like an ocean of gold rolling with the breezes.

At the end of our very long driveway was a dirt road and semi trucks sped by all day leaving behind huge billows of dust. You couldn’t see across the road until the dust settled. My mother fussed about those trucks even years later, long after we moved from there. She said she always worried that one of us would get run over.

The smiling dog — I can’t even tell you what that dogs name was, though there are pictures of him. I owe that dog my life, and my mother told this story for years.

I was about four years old and running down the driveway toward that dirt road and she was calling after me as she could see the semi truck coming down the road and that I was on a collision course. I didn’t answer her call and kept going until I was in the middle of the road. As she tells it, I was picking something up, quite interested in studying whatever I had found. I stood up, looked across the street at my mother, who is yelling at me. Her words were meaningless to me, since I couldn’t hear.

In my own memory I remember the dog suddenly pounding in my chest, knocking me into the ditch. He scared me and knocked the wind out of me. My mother was hysterical. She thought the truck hit me. She had seen the dog go tearing across the road and watched as he launched himself through the air and colliding with me. The Truck screamed by without notice of any of us.

My mother was racing down the driveway. When she got to me, I was laying in the ditch on the other side of the road, unharmed, bewildered, and wondering what had happened. My smiling dog lay lifeless in the road. Times like that make me wonder what I was saved for.

Good Health, peaceful pursuits, back in the game?

Been a very rough 16 months. After the surgery on my neck I attempted to come back to my blog my radio my webpages way too soon. A couple of weeks ago with yet another appointment with my neurologist. I finally heard what I had waited so long to hear.

I had travel to Portland for this appointment with trepidation. All I’ve been hearing for months was you need more rest. Stop the radio. Stop the blog And stop the website. No public speaking. Get to bed earlier. Rest rest rest!

O.M.G! Ok. I did it. I RESTED!e8841317e1756e54ce2ad8d9ab1a2e04

The beating that last a lifetime is over. I’m back on my blog and looking to get up to speed with the new video program. I’m hoping to go back and revisit the duct tape photos for awareness. I’m hoping to get the radio program back on however it Will only be a 30 minute show for a little while as my voice does not hold up as well as it used to.

To all my fans, followers, faithful supporters, friends, and family who have stuck by me through all of this please pass the word, “Annie O’Sullivan is back”my book ‘Can You Hear Me Now?’ is still available on Amazon and still selling after more than six years.

Stay tuned! I’ll be posting updates. 💞💝💖. Annie XOXO

From Suicide Letter to Survival Letter Reposted from 2012 Author~~*~~ Mia

Mia has come so far….   and I am so proud to know her.

From Suicide Letter to Survival Letter by Mia McKinney

“Life has taken its toll on me. I can no longer carry these secrets of being physically and sexually abused by both my parents and many others. Since the nightmares and flashbacks have taken control of my life I can’t function in society. I know no one could understand this shame and pain I carry. The feeling of it being my fault hangs over my head.”

Hi, my name is Malisia McKinney and those are the things that were running through my head the day I decided to kill myself and started a friendship with the author known as Annie O Sullivan of Can You Hear Me Now. I had sat at the computer to write a suicide letter and explain to people how important I felt it was to seek help but I was sorry I had waited too long.

I signed into Facebook to find a reply message from Annie regarding a message I had sent in regards to being sexually abused by my mother and how society didn’t believe mothers sexually abuse and how difficult it was. In Annie’s reply she told me that sometimes just living 15 minutes at a time was ok. It was like a light turned on in my head and a sense a relief come over me knowing I didn’t have to take it all on at once. What Annie didn’t know until much later had I not received that letter I would have been dead in 15 minutes.

I took Annie’s advice and decided to live within that 15 minutes and the next 15 minutes. It’s been almost a year now. During these months Annie listened to my story and gave me guidance from her own experience as a survivor. I have learned some important things from Annie that has saved my life this year.

  1. It’s never too late
  2. You are not alone
  3. Never give up
  4. It’s ok to just live 15 minutes at a time
  5. It’s ok to seek help
  6. You have nothing to be ashamed of
  7. It’s not your fault
  8. You are acting normally in an abnormal situation
  9. Tell your story
  10. Speak out against child abuse

So today I would like to write my survival letter instead of a suicide letter:

It’s never too late to start a journey to heal. I’m not alone and you aren’t either.

I no longer carry those secrets and I gave back the shame to the abusers. I let the little girl in me tell her story as much as she needs to. It does get better. I have days where I live 15 minutes at a time and that’s ok because I also have days of happiness I never thought possible. I have begun to experience new joys and a peace that was once strange to me. I’m glad I chose life.

If you are struggling know YOU ARE NOT ALONE and it’s OK TO ASK FOR HELP and if you know someone who is struggling please LISTEN to them it will make a world of difference in their life. Encourage them to SEEK HELP as well.

Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or

RAINN-Rape Abuse & Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or


Finding a Voice for Everyone in 2015

422726_386439844701943_100000077927871_1530684_216479153_nAccording to the research the number one effective means good health is to share your story. Tell your story. Talk. Talk. Talk. Write. Write. Write. Doesn’t matter if it is through art, music, poetry or written story. I do ask that artwork is accompanied by a short description. Expression is key!

books deb aYou ’re probably all getting our resolutions ready for 2015. Year after year, one of my personal resolutions is to write more. And I bet a few of you out there have that resolution, too. Looking for a framework to help you write more? Then you’ll definitely want to apply to the Featured Blogger program – we ask you to write 12 posts, once a week, over the course of a few months. Intrigued? Get more details by contacting me at

I’m looking to keep the momentum going with a bunch of fresh, fascinating new voices who can write about everything from the best way get a good night sleep to how to create the most effective outline for your story if you are writing and everything in between.

Not a writer you say? There will be help available to get you a good published article that you will be proud of…

The details: I’m looking for 10 (or more!) great survivor or survivor advocate25519_10150154452540545_6896954_n voices to blog once a week for the Survivor community throughout February and March and April. If this is successful it will become a permanent part of the blog.. I want you to write about subjects you think are important — from experiences in your life, to the way childhood trauma has impacted your life, your job, to tips on how to increase your life satisfaction. — really, anything that strikes your fancy. If it’s important to you, it’s important to us, and we want it on Broken Until Spoken.

What’s in it for you? A lot (I think — but I’m biased!). In addition to having your writing read by our survivor community of 10-15,000, you’ll get:

  • A featured slot on Broken Until Spoken every time you post
  • Promotion of your posts to our social network communities of over LinkedIn, Twitter, Stumble Upon, Tumbler, WAYN, Pinterest, my personal 4 Facebook pages and over 100 group pages plus your own and those groups we all share with.
  • Recognition of your efforts, your growth and status
  • Great published clips, and a great line on your resume!
  • Discuss, your book, your music your art, your life triumphs and frustrations
  • An opportunity to see if you like to blog without the hassle of creating your own site
  • You will change a life for the better

If you’re interested in entering, it’s easy. All you have to do is email with three blog post ideas, a writing sample, and your background. Please use the subject: Featured Blogger.”

Any questions? Leave a comment on this post, or email I’m looking forward to your ideas, thoughts, and content, and can’t wait to see what comes next.

We’ll be accepting applications until January 15th for February. Those chosen as featured bloggers will be notified December 19th. Featured bloggers will need to start writing once a week starting the week of February 1st, and will finish their stint the week of March April 27th .Contact me, Annie O’Sullivan at Lets start 2015 off with a Voice!

Rise – A Magazine By and For Parents Affected By The Child Welfare System

Researching Reform

We came across Rise this evening, and we think it’s nothing short of brilliant, and so had to share it. In fact, we think the UK needs its own version of Rise, right now.

So, what is it? As the post title suggests, it’s a magazine written by parents who have experienced the family justice system in the US, and most often that means parents who have at some point, lost their children to the care system.

Why is it so brilliant? The magazine aims to tackle negative stereotypes of parents who lose their children to the care system, effectively giving them a voice and highlighting the fact that these parents are more often than not loving mothers and fathers who have struggled with their own personal demons, and lost the fight to free themselves from them.

It is also designed to help family practitioners better understand the…

View original post 200 more words

Depression Can Be Sneaky

Depression is epidemic in Survivors.  I suffer too.

It sneaks up on me sometimes. Most times I can feel it coming, oppressive, heavy and dark.  I should feel happy, what’s wrong? I whisper back that I don’t know.  It’s like lead. My arms are heavy and so are my thoughts. It takes such effort to move. Sitting in a silent house makes it easy to brood.  I turn off the music and sit.  Music usually lifts my spirits. Now its just loud noise.  The more I stay in the more I want to stay in and the harder it gets to leave.  My world of colors and laughing are blunted.  My hard won peace, gone. Energy gone.  Its not the loss of happiness, its the loss of vitality. Depression is tiredness and anger.

Depression is an illness of loneliness, feeling  isolated, of being alone, of being cut off from everyone and everything even when you are surrounded.  Depression is smiling because you are supposed to.

Depression tortures you every day with the idea that you suffer and somehow I ought to be able to do something about it and I can’t.  Over the years I have struggled with depression often.  Sometimes it is worse than others.  This time of year can be brutal for survivors.  I’ve been here to this dark place many times before.

Exercise, diet, rest….. As I remind myself, I remind you as well, sometimes you need more help and shouldn’t go it alone. Depression is more than faulty thinking. Call someone.  Talk to someone.  It’s not permanent.  I am going to do just that, first thing in the morning.  I will make myself pick up the phone.

Signs and symptoms of depression include:

  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
  • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
  • Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
  • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
  • Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
  • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
  • When you’re feeling extremely depressed or suicidal, your problems don’t seem temporary—they seem overwhelming and permanent. But with time, you will feel better if you reach out for help. If you are feeling suicidal, know that there are many people who want to support you during this difficult time, so please reach out for help!

    Read Suicide Help or call 1-800-273-TALK in the U.S. or visit IASP or to find a helpline in your country.

This week on Blogtalk Radio “Author of No Working Title!” 630 PM Pacific time

Screen Shot 2014-07-17 at 10.21.26 PM

In his own words

I am currently finalizing the book. I also speak on the issue of the effect of sexual abuse and pornography on boys as they grow into manhood.

The issue of the sexual abuse of women is a topic that has managed to come mainstream and is being addressed, but the issue of the sexual abuse of men, particularly by women is something that is still a taboo or is met with ridicule.

I want to help give voice to the millions of silent men, to help them with a vocabulary to discuss the issues they face.

Follow the link:–a-life-in-progress