I often time will talk with someone online that is is crisis while holding onto hope that they will get in to see a professional before doing something terribly destructive to themselves.
I was recently speaking with a woman who spent the evening before contemplating driving her vehicle off a bridge into the ocean. I ask why? Because there is too much pain! and she cries.
Her family is in denial that a relative could possibly have done what she accused him of. She has physical, deforming damage that a doctor has verified and still they call her a terrible terrible person and a liar.
The same woman has a boyfriend who has beaten her for the last three years. I ask, Why do you stay? She says, Because it is all I deserve, no one else loves me.
No one loves me.
I don’t deserve it.
I hate my life.
Everyone is mad at me.
I’m Stupid, clumsey, fat, ugly, too skinny, too________ fill in the adjective here with any negative you can come up with and a survivor has thought it.
It is the child’s thoughts that are bubbling to the surface not the adults and it is outrageously confusing. All those feelings and thoughts are causing the pain to return from the past. It isn’t based in life today, but we can’t separate it without some help.
I was reminded of the most important 4 words my counselor gave me to work these emotions out. WHERE IS THE PROOF?
Ahhhh gotcha didn’t I? The question is not where is the proof of your accusation, you know what happened to you!
The question is, Where is the proof that you are stupid? Where is the proof that you are undeserving? Where is the proof that no one loves you? is mad at you? etc…
There is no proof of any of those things… You are not alone and there is proof of that as well. ~~ Annie