If an adult is sexually assaulted… It happens once (most of the time) it is called a sex crime and it is!  It’s called RAPE and its called a tradgedy and it is.  That individual’s life is expected to be forever altered and it is. Everyone is outraged and wants justice

If a child is sexually assaulted…  It happens repeatedly usually over years,  it is called abuse.  It is a SEX Crime.  It is RAPE! It is a tradgedy.  That life will be forever altered.  Everyone wants to look away.  Justice is whatever you can scrapoe up for yourself and they (we)are told to get over it.

Maybe if we start calling it what it really is, people will get it and do somethingto stop it?

Sounds pretty ugly when you say, “She/he was only five when her daddy raped her.  She needs to get over it.  Its over.  Move on!”

Why is a child supposed to be more understanding than any adult this has happened to?

 

Join me, Annie O’Sullivan as Co-host with Nell Cole, Producer and Host at Fire Talk Productions, Please share 🙂 ♥

This is the archived show link.  Well worth a listen in.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/firetalkproduction/2012/07/01/razing-hell-documentary-with-nikki-wells-and-tom-doyle

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD

Happy Fourth of July Independence Day!  

Hoping there is some significance for me that I could finally get back on here on this important date in outhe history of my country!

I have endured the total and deadly crash of my trusted old lap top.  Finally got a new one.  It had some sort of problem.  Had to return it.  Now on the third version !!!  Looks good so far.  How much bad luck can I get with the electronics!  (Yes I am knocking on wood right now)

I haven’t painted anything for a couple of years.  Picked the brushes back up this week.  It felt good.  My paintings are much happier these days….   Yours will be too

So its back to work here posting sharing and discussing life beyond our past abuse.  I hope you share with your friends.  i hope you comment and share.  HUGS, Annie!

Keeping busy.  Doing things.  Hiding from ourselves behind I don’t have time.  Smiling when we think we should. Having great success at work only to feel like a failure in a relationship.   Crying when no one is looking.  Crying inside when we stop moving and sometimes, because of all the denial we don’t understand why we are sad.

Sound familiar?  I was Rookie of the YEAR, the same year I fell apart, divorced and entered life altering counseling.

Emotions are a funny thing.  I can’t tell you why, I can only say it’s true.  You have to have the feelings sooner or later.  The majorities of survivors has them later, out of context and find them confusing.   Find someone to help you through this confusing time.  Make a decision to be happy, find peace and you will find it.  But first you have to decide and that my friend may be the hardest part of all.  You deserve it.  At least think about it.  If stopping to rest meast being barraged with these emotions, no wonder we can be reluctant to give up all our activity.

You can’t tell your story because you think it isn’t as bad as someone else. . Maybe you can’t tell you story because you believe it’s too ugly. We all do it.  I woman I was in group counseling with was horrified at what happened to me.  I was in fact horrified by what happened to her.  We learned a great deal from each other about ourselves.

I ask you this….    If you were mugged in the city would you minimize  what happened to you?  I don’t think so.  If you are stabbed in the heart are you any less damaged by how you were stabbed? After years and years of my own therapy I have witnessed first hand…  The pain is all the same.   The damage comes from how we were conditioned to think about it.  The healing comes from coming together and talking about it.  Together we can findo our way and heal.

Be a nurturing parent.

Children need to know that they are special, loved and capable of following their dreams.

Help a friend, neighbor or relative.

Being a parent isn’t easy. Offer a helping hand take care of the children, so the parent(s) can rest or spend time together.

Help yourself.

When the big and little problems of your everyday life pile up to the point you feel overwhelmed and out of control – take time out. Don’t take it out on your kid.

If your baby cries…

Never shake a baby– shaking a child may result in severe injury or death.

Get involved.

Ask your community leaders, clergy, library and schools to develop services to meet the needs of healthy children and families.

Help to develop parenting resources at your local library.

Promote programs in school.

Teaching children, parents and teachers prevention strategies can help to keep children safe.

Monitor your child’s television and video viewing.

Watching violent films and TV programs can harm young children.

Volunteer at a local child abuse prevention program.

For information about volunteer opportunities, call 1.800.CHILDREN.

Report suspected abuse or neglect.

If you have reason to believe a child has been or may be harmed, call your local department of children and family services or you local police department.

I have given a lot of thought to blame.  Coming from a wildly abusive home it would be easy to assign blame for my life.  It would be easy for any survivor of such things to give up.  After all, this terrible thing happened.

I find blame to be a slippery slope. At some point I decided to let go of blame and see the past as an experience that colored me.  Understanding the why allowed me to change.  My three brothers have not fared as well.  Violent, abusive, substance abuse and denial.  Why indeed can one child have the will to go on and thrive, while others flounder.

At what point are we in charge of our own lives? At what point do we tell ourselves “Yesterday is on them, today and tomorrow is on me.”  I think this is an important decision.  Don’t let  blame  cripple you.

Your beliefs become your thoughts.

Your thoughts become your words.

Your words become your actions.

Your actions become your habits.

Your habits become your values.

Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi

Writing is a struggle against silence. Carlos Fuentes

I was watching a movie about the holocaust last night.  It was such an awful and for some an unspeakable time in history.  I thought not about the movie today though, but about the opening line,

 “The hardest story to tell is your own.  If you never tell it, it disappears and never happened.”

Sad to say but, you and I know, it happened.  We study history to ensure that we do not make the same mistakes.

Adult survivors of sexual abuse…  It happened!   There is and unspoken shudder that runs thru society and thru time and tells us all, this is unspeakable, turn away, do not look and for God sake do not blather about it to anyone.

Don’t tell.  It will make the family look bad. My husband would not do that to you. My brother would not do that to you. __________ (fill in the blank) would not do that to you.

And the comment that hurt me last year from my own brother. “YOU are ruining the family name by talking about this!”

While the media offers up the child molester as the big ugly and very identifiable stranger down the block it gives good-looking Auntie, Uncle, Daddy, Mommy or valued family friend a free pass.  They could not have   done this heinous thing survivors speak of.  Look at them!  They are good looking, charming and successful.

The media is not reporting the truth or telling the story that survivors know to be true.

IT HAPPENED

There are people who don’t believe the holocaust happened.  There are those who don’t believe children are raped.   Tell your story.  Don’t let it disappear.  Don’t let that criminal go free.