All survivors want to be strong enough to confront their offender. We work long and hard to be brave enough. We rehearse what we will say. We imagine what they will say and how we will reply over and over in our heads. And then… hey what happened?
They didn’t say what I expected!
They didn’t apologize!
They blamed me!
They called me a liar
They told me to shut up and stop talking about it!
They said get over it, it was a long time ago!
They called me names!
I didn’t practice any of that!
Any of the above fit your situation? Any combination ring true? Personally I think confrontation is very important. However, it is not to be taken lightly. If you are not ready it can be turned on you and hurt you.
Rarely do survivors hear any magical word from their perpetrator that makes it all go away. Mostly it is a disappointing experience in that regard. Your inner child is waiting for the words, I’m sorry and I love you and I see your pain. But the adult self may find them empty. You must be clear about what your needs are.
I didn’t go through this process totally alone. I had counselors and group to discuss my thoughts, needs, wants, deepest desires and the reality of what I would probably hear.
There is great healing in being able to say, “You hurt me.” It takes strength to not let their blame and guilt shifting affect you.
Be ready to hear anything, and be strong. You can do it.