Yes I know them.  They are usually in the form of my family.  They suck the life out of me at every opportunity, drag my emotions into the mud under their oversized shoes which they will then use to kick me while I am down.  They are negative, manipulative, casting blame and they can somehow, while appearing and feeling quite justified turn a happy day into a living hell.

I beleive, based on years of my own therapy and group experiences, that all survivors have these people in their lives.  We tend to tolerate more than most people and we learned NOT to stick up for ourselves.  Me?   I was born to people who are very toxic to me and I tend to attract them.  Example:  I call my mother fairly regularly.  She does not, and has made it clear, she will not call me.  Then she proved it.  My step-father died and she didn’t call.  I found out and called her, then somehow felt guilty for not calling sooner or enough in the weeks that followed.  She made me feel so bad infact that I finally stopped calling her.

1. AVOIDANCE

Consider your options.  Do you have to deal with him or her? have you tried telling them how you feel?  Did they listen? Did they change anything?

2. BOUNDARIES

Toxic people will often use you, one way or another. The may complain to you all the time while you listen hopelessly (?), or they may constantly blame you, cause trouble, or siply continuously tell you everything that is worng with you and how you do not measure up.trouble.  WORD HERE is BOUNDARIES

Easy to say, not really so easy to execute.  But you simply must try and be kind to yourself.  It will get easier.  Like everything else in life, it takes practice.  We all gotta start somewhere.  As you can see I am still working on it.  But I am so much better than I used to be.

3. GUILT

The guilt you are feeling while practicing your boundaries is misplaced.  Do not take it on.  Its manipulating you.  (in this case at least)  Self talk might help here, or maybe a trusted friend who will surely be outraged at what was said to you.

Toxic people are very skilled at making others (you) feel guilty when they (again YOU) don’t do or get what what they want.

4.  Stop Defending yourself

They are not listening.   It is absolutely futile.  The more you defend the better they will get achieving their goal, which is manipulating you into action. You won’t get anywhere with them by defending yourself and your actions. They are not listening to you.

~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~NICE PEOPLE ARE FOUND BY TOXIC PEOPLE~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~