Broken Until Spoken

I hear so often from survivors, and I was once guilty myself, “I am not who I am supposed to be!” Who do you think that was? Whats wrong with who you are now?

I myself was brought up short with that question when I was lamenting to a counselor, “Look at my life! It’s ruined!”

Who were you supposed to be except happy, able to love and be loved and at peace? You have always been that person. You just got a little lost on the trail because of lies and deceit. Get up, get back on the road with your new map and move forward.

Just be yourself, embrace all the parts of yourself. Sit quietly this morning for just a minute and tell yourself, your inner child, “Your abuser is a criminal who lied to you. You are loved and you can be at peace.”

Namaste~~~ Annie

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Twice as Strong, by Barbara Amaya


CANCER inCYTES is a public health e-magazine that discusses the healthcare needs of  disadvantaged populations. The uniqueness of Cancer InCytes is its focus on the link between cancer and social injustice, producing and discussing the latest research on this subject. Our articles become training material for law enforcement, advocates, clinicians, scientists, social workers, and your next-door neighbor. Connecting childhood trauma, disease risk, and social injustice.

Managing Editor: David H. Nguyen, Ph.D.
Volume 2, Issue 2, Winter 2013

Child abuse at home sent Barbara Amaya on her way to the streets of New York City, where she endured nine years as a trafficked child. Surviving the routine of rapes, beatings, and drugs she somehow found her way into a new life. But that past did not leave her alone, resurfacing as one medical problem after another, including endometrial cancer. Today, Barbara is a double survivor whose voice carries twice as far.

It Started When I was 12

It has been a little over a year since I broke my silence about having been a sex-trafficked child. I spent decades keeping all of my traumas deep inside. Keeping secrets can sometimes make you sick.

The summer I turned 12, I ran away from home after being abused under that roof. I ran away and was found on the streets of Washington D.C. by a couple that groomed me for prostitution and then sold me to a New York trafficker. I spent my youth growing up while being trafficked on the streets of New York. My pimp controlled every aspect of my life. As I grew older, I attempted to escape his control, but I was never successful.

Being raped, robbed, beaten and jailed became my daily routine. I saw no hope, and at age 15 I was introduced to heroin by another young girl on the streets. The drugs numbed me to the terrible reality of my existence. But because my pimp did not control the drugs, his violence became even more horrific. I would manage to escape from him and hide out for two or three days, only to be tracked down by him and beaten severely. This was my existence, unbeknownst to my clients or exacerbated by them.

At the age of 19, my pimp seemed to magically disappear. I found out only recently he was taken to prison on weapons and drug charges, although I did not know it at the time.

I believe in every person is a will to survive. For me, that spark still remained though I felt and looked like a walking zombie. One day, I walked into a drug clinic on Manhattan’s east side and my life changed. That day was really the day my life began because of a special counselor who took an interest in me. She located my family back in Virginia and I was reunited with them, never to return to the streets of New York. I slowly tried my best to put my life together with a 6th grade education and no job skills. The task was a daunting one.

One evening over a year ago, I watched a newscast about trafficked teens in my neighborhood and realized that I had to help make a difference. I had the classic epiphany moment. Thus began my advocacy work and public speaking. In the last several months, I have shared my story 26 times in various venues from Princeton to youth camps, and the Rotary Club to the Methodist church. I’ve been on a mission to educate the public about what human trafficking is and how they can make a difference against it.

Dealing With Uterine Cancer

I recently realized that I’ve been leaving out an important part of my story, which I’ve finally decided to tell. When I became aware of how the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) studies  applied to victims of human trafficking (1), I was inspired to tell my story of uterine cancer, which I’ve always believed was due to the sexual abuse that I endured.

I guess everything is relative, for me at least. After having survived the streets of New York for over 9 years, the news from my doctor that I had a severe form of uterine cancer was met by an atypical reaction: bring it on. I remember saying to that doctor, “I don’t want to die. And believe me, I will not.” Somehow, after surviving all the beatings, rapes, and incarcerations, I had been prepared for my battle with uterine cancer.

I had most likely been exposed to a number of risk factors that might have helped the cancer grow inside my uterus. While I am certainly not a doctor, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to think that I got the type of cancer that I did due to my history of sexual slavery. Because I was diagnosed with stage-two uterine cancer, I had to have three surgeries, a complete hysterectomy, and the removal of my cervix. I also barely escaped having radiation treatments. When I read the information on cancer.org and mayoclinic.org, I saw that I was not far off with my own thoughts and diagnoses. Research has shown that having more periods during a woman’s lifetime can raise her risk of endometrial (uterine) cancer (2). Young women who start their periods before age 12 have an increased risk of endometrial cancer compared to those who start later. I had my first menstrual cycle before I was ten years-old.

After I escaped from New York and began to piece my life together, I suffered from several medical conditions. People often don’t realize this, but I – like other trafficked children – did not receive medical or dental care the entire time I was growing up and being trafficked. I went from weighing 90 pounds to gaining massive amounts of weight. Research has shown that while the majority of a woman’s estrogen is made by her ovaries, fat tissue will change some other hormones into estrogens (3). Being overweight will increase a woman’s estrogen levels and increase her endometrial cancer risk.

After I was married and began to plan a family, I discovered that I was infertile due to the early trauma on my younger body. I went through surgery and was able to conceive. I develop diabetes while pregnant. Diabetes is common in women who are overweight. After the birth of my daughter, I began to experience very painful menstrual cycles. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a painful condition where the lining of the uterus travels outside and bleeds monthly when a woman has her menstruation.

Would I have developed cancer if I had not been trafficked? Who knows? But I do know that my troubled health history is something that healthcare providers and researchers need to consider when they treat and study the needs of trafficking victims. I also know this: I believe that once a person has been through the fire of adversity and trauma, if they somehow manage to come through to the other side, if they make it, they are forged into something much stronger and even better than before.

So yes, I am a double survivor, if you will; a survivor of human trafficking and of cancer. The two of which I think are related, just like we know that certain forms of the human papilloma virus, a common sexually transmitted disease, causes cervical cancer (4). The risk factors for cancer throughout my story of trafficking are common among other children who are being trafficked today. I’ve lived through both of these horrific evils and I am stronger for having done so. I believe that I have gone through all I have in my life so that I can be here, now, educating and empowering others. And, I will continue doing my best to share my story of survival.

As for what the future brings, I say…bring it on! I am ready.

Barbara Amaya is an advocate against human trafficking. She tells her story through the first graphic novel written by a trafficking survivor, called “The Destiny of Zoe,” illustrated by John Mahomet. Learn more about her work at www.BarbaraAmaya.com.


1. Vincent J. Felitti. “Childhood trauma is linked to chronic diseases during adulthood.” Cancer InCytes. 2013, 2(1):e.

2. Veronica W. Setiawan et al. “Type I and II endometrial cancers: have they different risk factors?” Journal of Clinical Oncology. 2013, 31(20):2607-18.

3. Jongen VH, Hollema H, Van Der Zee AG, Heineman MJ. “Aromatase in the context of breast and endometrial cancer. A review.” Minvera Endocrinologica. 2006, 31(1):47-60.

Blog Talk: Why is it important to listen to our show? Let me talk about it with you in the ARCHIVES!!

Broken Until Spoken


Curious!? This is a one-time, single event show to discuss why what we are doing is so important to survivors of abuse and those who love and care about them. What do we talk about? Come hear how two girls talk about the unspeakable and let you walk away knowing its all OK to talk about! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! WE have had writers, publishers, work out experts, diet experts, Relationship experts and many other advocates who are working to change the world into a better place in however small or large way they can!

Annie O’Sullivan and Kelly Behr have candid conversations concerning the past and much more importantly the future. Our guest have walked your road and come out the other side.


Your Hosts:

Annie O’Sullivan, Author/Writer/Speaker, Can You…

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Let’s give em something to talk about!

This is the page of activists. hours have been spent sending invites to other activist who say”what a great idea!”  Less than 1% have sent photos. Liking and saying going isn’t going to change anything in the world. Action, making a visible statement will. These numbers reflect what we see and feel every day in society.

Apathy, fear of being connected to a heinous crime, and denial alive in our own survivor community? WE can’t pray it way.  We have tried.  We can’t make laws to end it. We have tried.  One person can’t change it.  We have tried that too.

Change and education will not happen unless we stand together and stand up.  Power to change things for the next 6 million children who will join us as survivors in the next 12 months will not happen if we can not come together in the survivor community.

25519_10150154452540545_6896954_nA duct tape photo tells the whole story without saying a word. It also allows those who simply support a movement to participate. I believe that in order to change the way things are, to get people the help they need and to see serious societal change we have to stop being invisible. We don’t need more law, we need more enforcement. WE need to stand together and make a statement.

April will be here before we know it.  I believe we can do this.  My video project may fall apart.  But that will be OK if 314221_10151012701552407_714951380_nyou are willing to at the very least make a statement on your FB page in April by posting a duct tape photo for the month.


Can You Hear Me Now?


deb fb pic abook cover (2)CAP logo 2sm

First published as only parts of her life, this book brings together the full life story of the woman known as Annie O’Sullivan. Horribly abused at the hand of her father, it is a collection of essays that graphically recount memories of her life as a confused child and young adult as she careened through life without compass, to ultimately, and against all odds, prosper. Culminating in the event that brought a degree of closure to her torture, O’Sullivan brings the reader on an intimate life journey through the eyes of this child’s misunderstanding, will to persevere and desire to seek goodness despite her circumstances.

Terrifying, infuriating and uplifting, this book touches not only survivors; but parents, childcare workers and teachers; reminding us of the true vulnerability of children and our collective responsibility to protect them.

Guest writer~*~A Survivors’ letter to herself as a little girl….

I want you to know that when you were little and when things happened to you, none of it was your fault!  The perp that hurt you and forced you to do things was wrong and should be punished!  You are safe now and have grown up to be successful and mature beyond your years because of your trauma.

You have a discernment in knowing people deeply and knowing who you can trust and not trust.  You know in your heart who you really are and what you mean to so many others.  You love to help others that have been in your situation and have succeeded!  People respect you and love you regardless of your abuse and what happened.  Don’t ever from this day forward ever blame yourself for what happened to you because, again, it was not your fault.  It was out of your control!  You were a little girl.  No one has the right to hurt or harm you in any way ever.

Please stay strong and love yourself as you do others!  God loves you.  I love you.  I am always here for you.  I’m your shadow and your piece of mind/.

We will get through this and be OK.

with love, HC

Does Your Childhood Experience Affect your Health as an Adult!? Come listen in Thurs 6pm

Listen to my show at


339ca31David H. Nguyen, Ph.D., is a tumor biologist interested in figuring out why childhood trauma increases a person’s risk of cancer during adulthood. His research seeks to make predictions about the biological mechanisms linking childhood trauma and cancer. He is the founding editor-in-chief of Cancer InCytes magazine, a free public health e-magazine (www.CancerInCytes.org) that talks about the deep connections between childhood trauma, cancer risk, and social injustice. He has published numerous cancer research articles in peer-reviewed journals and is author of the forthcoming graduate textbookSystems Biology of Tumor Physiology: Rethinking the Past, Defining the Future (Springer Science + Business Media).

Shattering the silence …

I am in the midst of re-organizing…   Not my favorite thing to do but came across some footage I never shared…  I am thinking it might be interesting to share over the next few weeks some of what I do when I’m out of town.  I was invited to speak last year for the Shattering the Silence Tour…. This is raw footage, so you have to forward to 3.36 for the start.  Enjoy and share!  Namaste~ Annie

Guest Writers Topic: Letter to myself

Email your letter to Beheard@hotmail.com   See it published here.  Just a couple of guidelines.

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What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time and talk to that child you once were?

Keep profanity to a minimum

If you wish to remain anonymous please sign your letter that way.

That is it!   I hope this is a project that you find helpful.  Be kind to yourself and happy writing